Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day 341: Resolve

Sometimes it's hard to clear out the clutter in your mind. But I'm trying.

It's way too easy to get caught up in a bunch of mental torture that amounts to nothing positive. It goes by a lot of names... regrets... hindsight... second-guessing...

It's pointless, but knowing this and accepting this are not always the same thing. Ex: On one hand, if I had had the time and patience to sell my old records one by one online, I might have been able to raise a decent amount of money. When I saw albums the other day that I basically sold for 50 cents apiece going for $12, $20, $30, $40 (!!!), then it makes me feel a little stupid.

But, it's done. I have to stop thinking about it.

I need to find positive outlets. One of them should be writing. That's why this is here, and again my many thanks to you who have nurtured me with your positivity. I know also that there are at least two haters out there who lurk. I guess that's just a byproduct of life. They've actively sought to bring me down, but they are in fact an opportunity to grow and become stronger. So, bring it. It used to wear on me, because like most people I would prefer to be liked. But some folks just don't jibe. You can't give them that power over you. Closed minds are closed. I still think ultimately that people will see the light and understand the real truth. Despite everything, I remain hopeful.

That's a win!

I've been working on actually completing a writing project that I conceived a way back and have been piecing together painful bit by painful bit for a while. It's frustratingly slow. But it means something to me, it's an idea I believe in, so I am trying very hard to let it gestate naturally. I fight self-doubt there, too. Why is it so slow? Why doesn't it flow naturally? Why aren't you done?

I've managed to drop all those questions and just work on it at the pace that happens. I think that is a good thing to be at peace with, to not force things.

This is also a useful approach while I let my job search unfold naturally. Just a bit ago I got notification of a job I did not get that I applied for IN DECEMBER. Talk about deliberate. But at least now I know and can close the books on it. Agonizing over something for four months is detrimental. You have to do your best and then play the hand you get.

HST used to say, "Buy the ticket, take the ride." That works for me.

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