Day 371: Pre-Sad

OK, you serial optimists out there won't like this one.

I call it "pre-sad" as a hedge against the possibility that in my fifth strong prospect for employment during this time, I once again don't bring him the gold.

A lot about this one has been different. I wasn't as nervous going into the interviews. I felt calmer, more poised. Ready. Now, I feel something else different... instead of expecting to hear the good news and being crushed if it doesn't happen, I'm just going to presume that it's a tossup, and not be too devastated if I don't get it.

I think it was Steve Nash who talked about the mindset during playoff basketball that players have. Paraphrasing, he said that when you win a game, you feel like you're never going to lose, and when you lose, you feel like you'll never win again.

Make no mistake: If the answer is no, I will be crushed. I went 3,000 miles to get this one and spent almost $900. Not only that, I showed them that I can do the job.

The person who finishes second in the Heisman voting is still a helluva football player, he just didn't win the biggest prize.

So today I'm a little blue, not knowing yet, and not wanting to get my high hopes any higher. Maybe it will work out, and in a few days I'll be tasked with planning a major move and a new life. Or maybe it won't.

It's out of my hands now.

So, today I am looking and applying for other jobs. One way or the other, the future awaits.

But I still want to believe. Yesterday, driving on Interstate 40, something interesting happened. I tend to believe in kismet, fate, whatever you want to call it. I believe in signs. I believe that if we are open to it, we can see things in our world that provide a glimpse into the bigness of everything around us... things we get too caught up in our daily BS to see and admire. It's a shame. I prefer to have some magic in the world, some hope that there is something bigger than just this. Some people have this fulfilled by religion.

Anyway, I'm driving down the road and I see a truck with California plates. Odd enough in BFE Oklahoma. I then noticed the word "victorious." I hope they're talking to me.